The First Law of Grift is that all grifts begin with a few grains of truth.
E.g.: America’s left-wing pols and journos are disingenuous, and their moralizing about the Ukrainian crisis is so much smug cant.
E.g.: Impulsively instigating a hot war with a nuclear power is something no serious American analyst should be suggesting, and the fact that some have proves that they are not, in fact, serious.
E.g.: President Zelenskyy isn’t free of corruption and has previously tried to chill his own political opposition in ways that wouldn’t seem to befit a democratic leader.
These are all true statements. Now, from four days ago as I write, here’s Tucker Carlson:
Since the day that Donald Trump became president, Democrats in Washington have told you you have a patriotic duty to hate Vladimir Putin. It’s not a suggestion, it’s a mandate. Anything less than hatred for Putin is treason.
Many Americans have obeyed this directive. They now dutifully hate Vladimir Putin. Maybe you're one of them. Hating Putin has become the central purpose of America’s foreign policy, it’s the main thing that we talk about. Entire cable channels are now devoted to it. Very soon, that hatred of Vladimir Putin could bring the United States into a conflict in Eastern Europe.
Before that happens, it might be worth asking yourselves since it is getting really serious, what is this really about? Why do I hate Putin so much?
Has Putin ever called me a racist? Has he threatened to get me fired for disagreeing with him? Has he shipped every middle-class job in my town to Russia? Did he manufacture a worldwide pandemic that wrecked my business and kept me indoors for two years? Is he teaching my children to embrace racial discrimination? Is he making fentanyl? Is he trying to snuff out Christianity? Does he eat dogs?
These are fair questions, and the answer to all of them is “no.” Vladimir Putin didn’t do any of that. So why does Washington hate him so much?
If you’ve been watching the news, you know that Putin is having a border dispute with a nation called Ukraine. Now, the main thing to know about Ukraine for our purposes is that its leaders once sent millions of dollars to Joe Biden’s family. Not surprisingly, Ukraine is now one of Biden’s favorite countries. Biden has pledged to defend Ukraine’s borders even as he opens our borders to the world. That’s how it works. Invading America is called equity. Invading Ukraine is a war crime.
So with every day, we move closer to some kind of conflict with Russia, a conflict that could easily spin out of control given that the people running us have no fine motor skills, the administration assures us this has nothing at all to do with repaying Joe Biden’s personal debts to Ukrainian oligarchs. Not at all. It’s completely and totally unrelated.
The point here is to defend democracy, not that Ukraine is a democracy. It is not a democracy. Ukraine’s president has arrested his main political opponent. He has shut down newspapers and television stations that have dared to criticize him. So in American terms, you would call Ukraine a tyranny. But Joe Biden likes Ukraine. So, Putin bad, war good. How will this conflict affect you?
Tucker goes on to enumerate the various ways that war would hit Americans where it hurts. But it will all be worth it for the “moral victory against dastardly old Putin, who is much, much worse than Justin Trudeau.” At the end, he wraps up, “So, what are the principles were defending here? We’re defending a regime that has arrested their main rival and shut down opposition media. What principles are at stake here, apart from rewarding the Biden family’s patron?” We don’t know, but “We do know that all of us are about to suffer. So we hope that hating Vladimir Putin was worth it.”
It didn’t take long for this little speech to make the global rounds. In a shocking twist, it appears to have gone over especially well in Russia. RT wasted no time praising Carlson’s “rhetorical self-reflection quiz” on why Americans are supposed to hate Putin so much. The Russian Television and Radio Channel also snapped up and aired the clip.
Post-invasion, Tucker appears to have read the tea leaves and subtly shifted gears. His February 24th segment includes minimalist concessions that Putin “is to blame.” From there he takes aim at hyper-hawkish rhetoric about no-fly zones, speculates about potential WWIII scenarios, and closes with a lament for the potential decline of the U.S. dollar. Safe stuff. Boilerplate.
But, meanwhile, no retraction of his earlier segment. And, Tucker being Tucker, we can assume no such thing is forthcoming. Just as we can expect no chagrined retrospective on his infamous 2020 outburst, during the last time there was a conflict between Ukraine and Russia: “Why do I care what is going on in the conflict between Ukraine and Russia? And I’m serious. Why do I care? And why shouldn’t I root for Russia? Which I am.” Later, he clarified with a small smirk, “Of course I’m joking. I’m only rooting for America.”
I quoted the segment at such length, because it’s really worth just pausing to admire its construction. Note how expertly Tucker scatters his handful of truth grains, making sure to slip in key buzzwords along the way, like “mandate,” or “Justin Trudeau.” Note how every possible sore point he can put his finger on, he does. In another life, Tucker was a chiropractor: “Does it hurt here? Here? How about here? You seem to be holding a lot of tension here.”
Of course, he patronizes his audience at the same time he panders to them. There’s something amusing in the way he informs us about Russia’s “dispute” with “a nation called Ukraine.” In case we were unfamiliar with this particular very obscure foreign nation in deepest darkest Europe, about which we might never have read in any books, which we might not remember ever hearing about in the news, even though if we’re watching FOX News in 2022, chances are good we have living memory of the Cold War. But Tucker insults the viewers so smoothly they don’t even realize it.
Note, too, how the half-truths and lies creep in en passant—for instance, the claim that Putin has never tried to “snuff out Christianity.” The Baptist church in Russia could tell you rather a different story about how he has treated their kind of Christianity. But this is not apt for Tucker’s purposes.
Then the money bit: “What has Putin ever done to you?” Insert domestic grievance checklist here. Whether the checklist is legitimate is not the point. Tucker is making a gamble: a gamble on his audience’s inability to perceive that more than one thing can be true at the same time.
Yes, it is true that Putin did not do a critical race theory. It is also true that he did a poisoning, a hanging, a Protestant church persecution, and assorted other Bad Things, on multiple occasions.
Yes, it is true that President Zelenskyy is not the next George Washington. It is also true that Ukraine is a peaceful nation, a brave nation, full of peaceful and brave people who are even now preparing to take their wounds on the front in the face of naked evil. It is further true that in times of war, imperfect men may still have greatness thrust upon them, be they Zelenskyy or Zelenskyy’s political rivals.
Yes, it is true that it is not prima facie a good idea for America to go to war with Russia. It is also true that you can go on quietly flapping your dove’s wings while also thinking Putin is a war criminal, a maniac and a thug. That is a thing you can do. Why, I’m doing it right now. Wow, you guys, this isn’t hard! I bet you can do it, too!
Because you’re a normal human.
Because you’re not an ideologue.
Because you’re not a sucker.