This is beautiful and you’ve articulated so well much of what I felt about this little episode. I was blessed to meet my husband at 24 and have had three children with him. I feel so undeservedly blessed, as I always worried that wouldn’t be my path. Bethel I admire your clarity and compassion and steadfastness so much.
Sep 5, 2023·edited Sep 5, 2023Liked by Bethel McGrew
I really appreciate your insight into this. I dealt with many similar feelings in my 20s, not feeling like I'd ever marry (I eventually did at 29), but I think the struggle, though similar, is definitely harder for women than it is for men.
Now with two babies, I do miss certain things, but not the things Julia imagines one might miss. I don't miss concerts, though I do sometimes miss waking up on my schedule. But I miss being able to set my own schedule. Sometimes waking up with a coffee and a book is not on the table. Sometimes I have to take my opportunities to "get some work done" in the lulls when naptimes coincide rather than when I feel like it. My time is more limited, but at the same time, it forces me to consider what the best use of my time actually is. I look back on days I binged tv with horror. So much wasted time. I don't wish to ever go back to that.
It should sadden us greatly when we see A Julia, or to a lesser degree a Bethel. God did say that it was not good for man to be alone, but I believe that extends to mankind, not just the larger hairier ones of the species.
But we live after Gen 3, so things just do not work like they were supposed to. To make it worse, as we scramble to find solutions that do not include God, we make the two sexes even more inter-disfunctional. And so it goes, and so it goes.
This makes my heart sad, as having maried at 19, we just had our 45th, and many of those years were dumpster fires, but we persist by God's grace and patience, and i have escaped that loneliness.
She knows that she needs what she does not have, but she does not identify the real need rightly. So unlike Bethel, she looks in vain. Whereas Bethel gives us glimpses into the hurt and confusion of image bearers in various stages, but that hopeless longing is not there.
For Julia I pray that she finds peace with her creator, as there will be no peace in creation without it. For Bethel, that she enjoy the pizza and swirls, and find contentment in whatever God brings her.
The Matt Walsh variety of conservatism has been very unappealing the more I see some of his treatment of people. Compassion does not equal not being conservative. Family is not the only step for every individual. (Though feminism and modern culture downplays how it works for most people in the end). However, for single people, it is hard to carve out space in the conservative Christian environment. It is as if something is wrong with you (ironically this used to be more problematic in Protestant circles - not having a good practical theology for the vocation of singleness). It is more of something people would joke about “having the gift of singleness.” It is like the Biblical characters who are barren. Societal expectation at the time was that it was terrible and not doubt people felt judged because of that. People like Matt Walsh may have good principles but that lack that kindness that makes it so off putting when they mock people who struggle like this. For people like Julia, those of our generation who bought lies and have to live with the consequences... perhaps, they deserve it. But that also need a great deal of compassion. I see her type in several of my friends and I think deep inside they are trying to cope.
I like Mike Walsh but sometimes clanging symbol comes to mind 🥰 Praying for all of us that God will strengthen us and gives us peace as we walk through this very imperfect world. Until heaven none of us will ever be truly satisfied or joyfully, perfectly happy……But God 🙏
V good piece - especially the peculiar (and not straightforward) consolation of Christianity. On a v minor point of pedantry: 'holy orders' would be entering the priesthood (diaconate, episcopate, subdiaconate or minor orders) whereas those becoming a monk, nun, friar etc enter religious orders (religion in the sense of a rule of life).
This is beautiful and you’ve articulated so well much of what I felt about this little episode. I was blessed to meet my husband at 24 and have had three children with him. I feel so undeservedly blessed, as I always worried that wouldn’t be my path. Bethel I admire your clarity and compassion and steadfastness so much.
Thank you! I'm glad you found The One. :)
I really appreciate your insight into this. I dealt with many similar feelings in my 20s, not feeling like I'd ever marry (I eventually did at 29), but I think the struggle, though similar, is definitely harder for women than it is for men.
Now with two babies, I do miss certain things, but not the things Julia imagines one might miss. I don't miss concerts, though I do sometimes miss waking up on my schedule. But I miss being able to set my own schedule. Sometimes waking up with a coffee and a book is not on the table. Sometimes I have to take my opportunities to "get some work done" in the lulls when naptimes coincide rather than when I feel like it. My time is more limited, but at the same time, it forces me to consider what the best use of my time actually is. I look back on days I binged tv with horror. So much wasted time. I don't wish to ever go back to that.
Not gonna talk about how much American Idol I watched in college years...
It should sadden us greatly when we see A Julia, or to a lesser degree a Bethel. God did say that it was not good for man to be alone, but I believe that extends to mankind, not just the larger hairier ones of the species.
But we live after Gen 3, so things just do not work like they were supposed to. To make it worse, as we scramble to find solutions that do not include God, we make the two sexes even more inter-disfunctional. And so it goes, and so it goes.
This makes my heart sad, as having maried at 19, we just had our 45th, and many of those years were dumpster fires, but we persist by God's grace and patience, and i have escaped that loneliness.
She knows that she needs what she does not have, but she does not identify the real need rightly. So unlike Bethel, she looks in vain. Whereas Bethel gives us glimpses into the hurt and confusion of image bearers in various stages, but that hopeless longing is not there.
For Julia I pray that she finds peace with her creator, as there will be no peace in creation without it. For Bethel, that she enjoy the pizza and swirls, and find contentment in whatever God brings her.
I did enjoy the pizza and swirls, thank you. :)
The Matt Walsh variety of conservatism has been very unappealing the more I see some of his treatment of people. Compassion does not equal not being conservative. Family is not the only step for every individual. (Though feminism and modern culture downplays how it works for most people in the end). However, for single people, it is hard to carve out space in the conservative Christian environment. It is as if something is wrong with you (ironically this used to be more problematic in Protestant circles - not having a good practical theology for the vocation of singleness). It is more of something people would joke about “having the gift of singleness.” It is like the Biblical characters who are barren. Societal expectation at the time was that it was terrible and not doubt people felt judged because of that. People like Matt Walsh may have good principles but that lack that kindness that makes it so off putting when they mock people who struggle like this. For people like Julia, those of our generation who bought lies and have to live with the consequences... perhaps, they deserve it. But that also need a great deal of compassion. I see her type in several of my friends and I think deep inside they are trying to cope.
He's not always wrong, but even when he says true things there are times when he seems to land on the jerkiest way of articulating them.
Agreed!
I like Mike Walsh but sometimes clanging symbol comes to mind 🥰 Praying for all of us that God will strengthen us and gives us peace as we walk through this very imperfect world. Until heaven none of us will ever be truly satisfied or joyfully, perfectly happy……But God 🙏
V good piece - especially the peculiar (and not straightforward) consolation of Christianity. On a v minor point of pedantry: 'holy orders' would be entering the priesthood (diaconate, episcopate, subdiaconate or minor orders) whereas those becoming a monk, nun, friar etc enter religious orders (religion in the sense of a rule of life).
Thanks, I already caught and fixed that in the website version here!
My sister.