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Wayward Scout's avatar

Thank you so much for this essay. I'm an unknown guy living in the American Midwest, a lifelong. self-identified secular humanist agnostic finding myself attracted to Christianity specifically as a result of reading Tom Holland's Dominion, among many other authors, including Jonathan Haidt, Douglas Murray, Christopher Lasch, and Rene Girard. Such authors prompted me to enter a program for potential converts at my local Catholic church. But I find myself overwhelmed with hesitancy about making a leap to actual, credal commitment.

Your essay made me once again confront the question of why I'm hesitant. I think it has to do with the fact, as your essay points out, on some level I can't regard credal Christian truth claims as true -- although, like Holland in the desert witnessing the atrocities of the Islamic State, I also inexplicably want them to be true. Yet I engage in the kind of coding that you describe, in which I regard theology and credal religious claims, or even wanting those claims to be true, as irrational, and not in a good way.

That leads to my other core reason for hesitancy, which is my unwillingness to fully abandon moral claims of modernity about human sexuality, the body, and individual freedom of conscience more broadly. To be excessively crass, I just can't bring myself to a belief that the omnipotent, omniscient force responsible for existence, who came to Earth in human form to preach a gospel of love, cares about whether I masturbate, or watch a porn video, or have no problem with two men making love to each other. I understand and empathize with and in many ways agree with Christian objections to sexual license and the social dangers of turning sexuality and gender and identity into idolatry. Yet I also find many of those same objections tied to punitive (penal substitution) theology like that of William Lane Craig. Which I understand makes serious claims worth seriously considering but which I find existentially repellant.

I don't want any of this to come across as a typical internet troll trying to score points. I just am genuinely in a state of existential, spiritual, crisis, fearing what cultural and religious conflict over all of these questions will mean for the future of the United States and the West. I'm confused and lonely and terrified.

But your essay made me stop and contemplate in ways I can't put into words, and I wanted to say thank you. Take good care.

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Matthew's avatar

I fear that arguments are not sufficient, since I don't think it was arguments that were primarily behind the end of Christian dominance in the west. Most of the classical arguments of natural theology still seem defensible to me, if one takes their still widely accepted premises (things like the principle of sufficient reason) as true. But reason by itself cannot usually defeat lust and avarice, and it is sex and greed, not reason, that has lead to the decline of Christianity among the general public.

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